I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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