I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
