this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
