I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
