I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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