Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
