absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
