Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
