Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
