the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize