Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
