no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
