tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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