I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you would pick up someone in the library
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
