She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
