....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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