When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
