she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
