its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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