he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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