you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize