This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We have started to decorate penises.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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