none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize