New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize