They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
