u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
