No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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