It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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