He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
