hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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