Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
