dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
