I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
