guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
