dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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