OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
