i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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