the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
