My room smells like vodka and shame
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
