Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
