Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
