Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
