a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
