I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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