Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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