I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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