Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
