i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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