Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
