"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
