Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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