I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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