I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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