4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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