spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
