The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
