he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This is my gift to your gina
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
