we're blogging at a bar
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
