I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I would fuck him just for his dog
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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