Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize