Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
no you cant smoke seaweed
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
