omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
