He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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