And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
